there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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