I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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