Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize