He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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