I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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