Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
