I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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