cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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