honey bunches of taint.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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