Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
