Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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