she looked like the before picture.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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