Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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