Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
