the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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