I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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