You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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