i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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