i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
