Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
