we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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