Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
