it hurts more in the daytime
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize