Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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