I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
