i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
