Have you finally orgasmed yet?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
