i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
