you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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