I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My dick has a subreddit
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
