Having a random hookup so left but love u
My first STD was from a foam party
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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