I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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