Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
