at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
