you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
