So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
