I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize