So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
