I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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