You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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