He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
