How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
