and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
