I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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