BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
