I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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