I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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