All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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