none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
