if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
