Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
