I faked an abortion last night.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize