tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
