I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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