I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize