i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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