I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
