If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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