I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
