Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
