What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
