I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
