Well douche your snatch and let's go!
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
