So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
