you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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