90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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