On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
