I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
