I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
