ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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