sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
