do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
