booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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