everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
