It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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