I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize