I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize