Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
