Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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