he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
