if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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