the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize