Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
