I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
