He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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