I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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