I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Are my feet made of real feet?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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