I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
BRING THE BAGELS
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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