the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
this hospital has no fireball
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
