they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
