roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
