There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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