I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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