can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
