Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
