I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
