Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
