just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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