I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
