Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
