The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize